Back when you were a child it was easy to see your parents as invincible figures who never needed any help to get by. But as you grew up you came to realize that those who raised you are just regular people who have the same needs and faults as anyone else. Even as you come to grips with this fact it’s still hard to deal with realizing that your parents need your help to get by. After all you’re used to them taking care of you. You may be used to saying that “my friend needs support” but what about your parents?
While helping your parents through any difficult time can be hard it’s especially troubling to see your parents turn on each other during a separation or divorce. These problems are almost always messy and filled with potential for harmful conflicts.. If possible try and suggest separation counselling so that they can deal with their problems in a way that is as safe and productive as possible. The last thing you or anyone else in your family wants is a scenario where the home becomes an unsafe area.
One of the most crucial things to remember is that you don’t have to feel responsible for anything that your parents are going through. You should certainly do what you can to help them along but you shouldn’t take feel like everything rests on your shoulders. Far too many children and young adults watch their parents go through divorce counselling assuming that they are the ones at fault. When a couple has problems they are the only people who are equipped to solve their problems and improve their relationships.
So while you may not be able to fix the problem yourself you can focus on doing whatever you can to limit the damage. One problem families face during a divorce is parents trying to use their children as pawns. One parent may insult the other in front of their children to try and get them on their side. In this situation you can make it clear that you aren’t interested in paying favorites. Encourage them to share their feelings but avoid this sort of blame game to try and keep the peace, if possible. A parent may be set on insulting the other but you don’t need to play that game with them.
Always remember that you aren’t alone. It’s so easy to feel like there’s no one to turn to when your parents are busy with their own problems but there are other people you can turn to. There are many other people who have gone through what you’re dealing with and would like to help. Whether this means talking to friends, reading books or getting involved in counseling yourself the key thing is taking steps to improve your situation. And don’t feel like you have to tell your counsellor Perth that “my father needs counselling,” you need to take care of yourself first so you are in a place where you are emotionally healthy enough to assist your parents.